The only way out is through

 There has been a lot on my mind recently; some family and parent related, some work and child related, a lot of overlap with relationship between home/school/church/current events and trends.

One of the teens said something the other week and when I started to respond they stopped me and said “wait, we've talked about this before. You're gonna tell me X, Y, and Z. And you're right.” That felt like an amazing moment. I will also add that even though they said they knew what they ought to do/say, they did not in fact do/say the thing. That's a human thing though. There are some things we can't help but do even when we know we ought to do differently. But we can keep trying.

I love the relationships we have with our children. I love the relationships that they have with us; they are always texting fun things that cross their mind, they ask thought-provoking questions and want to be involved in deeper conversations, they push back a little when we ask them to do something but usually not very hard. They know there are reasons for us asking things of them. I can genuinely say that I enjoy the people our children are, and I choose to spend time with them.

I came across something someone said or posted online somewhere; they said that their goal as a parent was to be someone their children would choose to be around. I feel it's the other way around – we have so much input into our children, how do we take what they are when they're born and turn them into people we enjoy spending time with? I'm not talking about being your child's best friend instead of their parent; they need a parent, not a friend. But I'm talking about actual work and input; things like “this is how you have a conversation. This is what is acceptable in public. This is the proper use of sarcasm and dark humour. This is how to stay within a boundary for yours and everyone else's sake.”

Things like resilience and when to listen to what your body is telling you and when to push through because it will make you stronger. Tough lessons like “the only way out is through” and “sometimes it's gonna be painful but it'll pass eventually”. Things like how to live in moderation without too much self-denying or self-indulging; the balance that life needs to be fulfilling and worthwhile. In order to make well-rounded adults we need well-rounded children; ones who are able to do difficult things even when they don't want to, ones who are able to think outside the box and outside themselves, ones who can make us smile with their wit (even biting wit) instead of shake our heads at the meanness of their roasting.

It is a lot of work to teach, model, and sculpt children into amazing adults but it's better than the alternative; having children who are so self-focused they aren't able to consider a greater/broader good, or ones that are just nasty to everyone simply because they can be. It means being the one who makes and keeps the boundaries. It means being the adult in the relationship that makes sure the right thing is done. It means making choices with long-term goals in sight, not just what's easy or fun in the moment. It looks like balancing out life with some fun and some not-so-fun. It looks like being yelled at by a small tyrant when they're angry and you have to keep your resolve or they're gonna learn that if they're loud they'll get their way. It looks like worrying that you aren't doing enough, or feeling like you're failing.

The important thing is to keep showing up, keep doing your best. You can only do what you can do, and you might need to find creative ways to keep your sanity, but it will get better. As Littles turn into Biggers the challenges are still there but they shift as their needs shift. But when the foundations are laid early on, it becomes less bumpy because the foundation is so strong.

Educators have a rough time right now, the swing toward gentle parenting (that is actually permissive parenting in how so many parents practice it...) and the use of technology with social media at young ages make the classroom a nightmare of behaviours and personalities. And schools can only do so much without the support of the families to re-direct the energy of the students away from picking at each other to building each other up and working to get through an issue or a difficult situation.

One step at a time, the only way out is through. Together we'll get it eventually.

Happy New Year!

 It's been busy and it's been a roller coaster. It's been cold. It's gotten warmer. It's gotten colder again. Monkey had her choir concert (which was absolutely lovely) and we survived the last few weeks of school before the winter break. We went to 2 Christmas Eve church services (one with the Pentecostals, one with the Anglicans with frankincense) and then the Christmas morning service again with the Anglicans.

It was our first Christmas without the Magic (after a deep conversation with the youngest after last Christmas) and my Christmas morning was a lot more emotional than I was expecting. I woke up abruptly with vivid images of blond curly hair, holidays past, and I had a difficult time keeping the tears from flowing all morning. Survived though.

We took a very serious approach to the winter break this year, with the goal being hibernation. We ate, we slept, we hunkered down. There were a handful of times that we went to the track to just move our bodies, but for the most part we enjoyed the warmth of the house and the took advantage of the darkness. It fed our souls.

Smarty and Sergeant worked through the last 2 weeks and that added some structure to the days somewhat. Tomorrow school and work starts back up for everyone else and I think it's going to be rough for a couple of days. Last night most of the Littles slept in the living room and everyone has been sleeping later when they have a chance to. So tonight will be an earlier bedtime and alarms will be set for the morning and we'll try to hit the ground running. At least that's the goal.

Tomorrow also marks the beginning of my next semester of classes. At Hubby's suggestion I took this last term off to help with the family transitioning to the move. I'm looking forward to checking three more courses off my to-do list and getting closer to realizing some goals of mine :) Plus it's good modelling for the Littles that learning doesn't stop and it's important to work steadily to reach goals.

I think that wraps up 2024 for us. New Years Eve we went to the Mess for a family pot-luck and watched some fireworks from there. Then we went home, changed into pjs and played cards for most of what was left of the evening. It was a quiet midnight celebration and very different than we've celebrated in the past, but it was perfect for the year we've had.

Hoping the year ahead of us has fewer upheavals and more smooth roads than the last year! But even those have been positive in the long run, just challenging for the shorter term.

Cold weather and cocoa

 Well it's Sunday night, the last Sunday in November. Month #5 in this posting is finished and we are learning what winter here can be like.

We have had 4 days with a -30 windchill last week. We've experienced that before, just not usually this early in the season. Autumn was longer and more lovely than we've experienced in recent years; it actually felt like fall and not a prolonged summer! The snow is mid-calf (up to the top of my boots) and the people who have been here a long time say this is more snow than they usually get; though the last couple of years have been like this winter. There is a bit more snow forecast this week. And that makes me smile.

The sun is rising around 9:20 in the morning and setting at 3:30 in the afternoon, but there's only another month until the sun starts shining a little more each day. We are faithfully taking our vitamins (especially D with the lessening sunlight) and keeping our overhead lights on (we switched a lot of our ceiling lights to LED that will help keep seasonal slumps at bay).

We are still going for walks, all bundled up and with reflective belts so drivers can see us. We also maybe might have set up our Christmas decorations. As Hubby says, Advent is something that happens in other homes. Not ours :)

We got out my millions of Nativity scenes (I swear I can quit whenever I want to), the tinsel, the lights, and the tree. We set the tree up without ornaments for a few days so the Floofs could get used to having it in the house. Once those ornaments were up, though, the cat (the Gremiln) was chasing them all over the floor in the middle of the night. The bottom row of lights doesn't work anymore since an animal (I can't remember which one) chewed the strand and it shorted out. But it's a beautiful tree. There was a lot of discussion over where to place what, the tree especially, but I think it has all turned out beautifully.

The next step is taking out the Christmas dishes (I'm planning on taking them out of the box tomorrow) and I am excited to start using those. Every time we take them out to use them I smile.

One month until Christmas, 4 weeks of school, a handful of holiday parties and events, and before we know it no one will have class and everyone will be hibernating for days and days on end. Next Sunday, the first Sunday in Advent, there is a community carol sing-a-long and the Littles and I are joining the choir for that. I'm really looking forward to that! I love singing those hymns <3

Last night was the Santa Parade for the city and it was a long one! The parade route was so short, but there were so many floats and people! I made sure we brought thermoses of hot chocolate since it was so chilly out and they really helped :)

SWEATER WEATHER

 Back in the summer I made a list of blog ideas as they were happening to write about later. This post is one of those, not because I can't think of anything else to write about, but because the longer I put it off the less flowing I think the writing would be.

During the summer, before school started up and when the days were so incredibly long. I did a thing. Actually a couple of things. I took some ideas I had in my head and turned them into reality. I saw how much yarn of one colour I had and thought "That could be a sweater.”

So I began to experiment with ideas, stitches, hook size.  I didn't want to knit it - I have a couple of knit sweater projects on the go already, so I wanted something that would work up quickly and still look amazing.

I did the first one for Monkey.  Not bad for a first attempt and not really using a pattern! (I think it's too loose and baggy but she absolutely LOVES it).  

So then I grabbed a different colour and did one for Girlie (a little more fitted because that's her style). I am always surprised when I re-learn what her favourite colour is, because she often picks yellow for things she'd like me to make her.  Yellow hat, yellow mitts, now a yellow sweater.  She sure does look stunning!

When I saw how well these ones turned out I decided to try something different for myself. Super bright colour, more of a wrap than a pull-over sweater, with a tighter and a smaller stitch. I trimmed with black and it is so warm! It has, of course, been "borrowed" and I encourage that ;) Things made with love are meant to be shared with love. And honestly, she wears it better than I do! 

I learned more about blocking and have finally fallen in love with a patiently blocked piece of work.  Most of what I create now will be properly blocked (mitts and tuques excluded) and I continue on my knitting journey.

Monkey had a volleyball weekend a few weeks ago where we were at the school constantly, and I was able to work on my most recent kniiting work almost constantly during that.  Monkey said that I mesmerized a couple of her team mates because my eyes rarely left the court but my fingers were constantly busy!  That could only happen because the pattern was so repetitive, not because I'm that amazing at it ;)  I'll post a picture when it's finally finished, knitting just takes so much longer than crochet. But I do enjoy both so much.

There will be more.  There are anecdotes to write about, catching up on birthday cake, and other snippets to share. We are currently 4 months in our new home and the adjustment to the change has been about as expected. It always takes longer than we hope to feel like the transition is settled, and the 4-6 month mark is often the hardest emotionally. Good thing we know this coming into it and we are prepared to give grace to each other when we can. There is decidedly less daylight now, there is snow on the ground, and we (Monkey and I are at least) are starting to plan out when we can decorate the house for the winter holidays :D

Giving Thanks

    This is Thanksgiving weekend. In our minds we revisit past weekends spent with friends and food; last year when dear friends drove out to see us, years on the east coast with people we wouldn't have met if the military hadn't put us all there at the same time, years in the congregation and at the seminary with wonderful people brought together by shared faith and value.

    With new places always come new people. I'm grateful for new and emerging friendships that we are finding here. Transitions after a move are hard sometimes and while we celebrate new people to be grateful for we also mourn and miss being close with those we love in other parts of the country. We give thanks for connections and community found in ever place we've landed.

    I give thanks for a roof over our head and food in our tummies. For the friendships the Littles have with each other and the support they find within our home. We are a family of dandelions, we bloom where we land.

    I am grateful for games we've been introduced to that create memories of warmth and laughter that we can share with others. We have passed some favourites along, we have picked up new ones, making new memories layered on top of old memories each time.

    I give thanks for random connections made through activities, for conversations with other parents during volleyball or archery, for opportunities to explore archery in the north, and for the chance to grow both personally and professionally in so many facets.

    I am grateful for technology and that with it connections over distances are so much easier to maintain. These moves would be much more lonesome and the solo parenting would exponentially more challenging without the tether of tech that makes staying in touch so much easier.    

    I am grateful for hobbies that keep my hands busy when my soul is anxious and keep those I love warm. I was sitting on the bed this afternoon, looking at the blanket on it that I had crocheted, trying to remember how old it was because it's starting to fray and there are some fibres breaking from use. I started making the blanket when Hubby was on tour and it has been used every day since I finished it. I am grateful for the friends and family that saw us through that deployment and for the safe homecoming when it was done.

    I give thanks for expression of emotion through music. The playlists we've had on repeat (always eclectic) and the ability to sing/hum/meditate to the sounds have been healing for us all. As well this week we were blessed to attend the ordination of two new deacons in the Anglican Church here and the hymns were like a balm to my soul. Music is therapy.

    I give thanks for the furballs in the home. Their presence sometimes feels more like a burden than a blessing, but these Floofs have been a life saver for the emotions and anxieties of the Littles. They cuddle when the Littles are feeling down or rough, they boost the mood when things are feeling a bit on the low side. Hubby was away for a week and the canines managed to sneak onto the bed with me in the middle of the night so I wasn't lonely. The Littles tend to hang out on the bed too when Hubby is away too; I suspect they don't realize it, but they also try to help me not feel lonely when Hubby is away. <3    

    There are so many things to be grateful for. So I give thanks.

Rubber Chickens and Rhubarb

 "WHO PUT THE RUBBER CHICKEN UNDER MY PILLOW????!!!!"  

This was yelled through the house by Monkey last night as children were starting to get into bed, teeth brushed and all that.  Smarty had already put himself to bed since he was scheduled to work first thing this morning.  There was such a hullabaloo that ensued after this exclamation, Girlie had found the chicken under her blankets and didn't know who had put it there, so she put it in Monkey's bed under her pillow. Who put it in Girlie's bed?  Sergeant swears it wasn't him.  I know it wasn't me, Hubby was chuckling to himself over all the noise and chaos, and Smarty was not responding and in his bed. 

I had my suspicions.

This morning Monkey was up after Smarty was up but before he left for work.  I was sitting and drinking my coffee, making conversation with the two of them and Monkey was recounting the evening noise.  Smarty was grinning.  He was the culprit! 

Later this afternoon he told me he put the chicken under Sergeant's pillow as a surprise for bedtime tonight.  One of the girls has since moved the chicken from Sergeant's bed and out it under Smarty's pillow.  This could be a loud bedtime, and I hope this trend doesn't go on for too many nights!

We pulled the rhubarb from the yard!  The plant was massive, we baked with about 20 cups already since we moved in, just a couple of stalks at a time, but we got another 18 cups from the harvest. 16 of those cups were washed, chopped, and into the freezer but I made a cake from a new recipe with the other 2 cups, and it was DELICIOUS.

It really didn't last very long, and it was super moist, and just.  Yum.

It's been a little tricky with baking, partly for learning the oven and its idiosyncrasies, partly because my cookbooks are in storage in Alberta :(  I have my box of recipe cards but so many of my favourites are scattered throughout a few different cookbooks.  So I have been using the internet and finding "Well, this looks close" recipes.  So far so good, mostly.  It's an opportunity for finding new favourite recipes I guess. And I do like trying new recipes.

Tomorrow is the start of a new school year for these Littles.  All but 1 are starting another school year, the oldest is scheduled to work.  I can't believe Smarty is done high school already.  So many times this week I have been asked by people when they discover how old my children are "Did you have them when you were 12??"  Blessed with good genes and lots of laughter to keep me young I guess :D

 The beginning of a new year at new schools.  Crazy.  I remember starting in brand new schools a few times.  I can't wait to hear how they do, what they think, the chances they'll have to grow and stretch themselves.

Start of Routines

 Well, it's been another week.  The tire is still holding air.  The dogs are both healthy.  The boys are busy with work. I dyed the under side of the girls' hair and we got pedicures in preparation for the start of the school year next week.  

There was a fun little episode that happened this week.  AC, the adorable huntress, started jumping onto the counter by the kitchen window and stare out and up at something.  Then we would hear a scritch scritch in the wall above the window.  There was some fluttering.  

A quick look outside showed there was a vent in that space, so we decided to assign the task of exploring that to the eldest  Little, Smarty.  The next morning, armed with a screwdriver, he took down the panel on the inside wall above the kitchen window.  There was a screen that was thoroughly pecked away, but thankfully no bird or bird nest.  

However, this evening  both cats have decided to hang out in the Littles' bathroom, eck-ecking at the panel to the outside that matches the one in the kitchen.  I guess they hear things we don't!  We'll have to explore the next panel tomorrow, I suppose.

This morning while Hubby and I were sitting in the yard with a few of the animals, there was a cacophony of noise coming from a block or 2 away.  There are A LOT of huskies around (no real surprise there) but they are soooo chatty.  And this morning there was a lot of chatting between huskies that was audible for BLOCKS!  I was very surprised that my hypervigilant black poodle who thinks she's a guard dog didn't join in the song. 

But in the direction of the huskies, and in the direction of the kennels/doggy-daycare that Sergeant works at, there is a sled dog kennel/tour pace.  When we were dropping Sergeant off at work this afternoon we came across a sign that made me smile and want winter to come.

This is going to be a fun and entertaining winter, I think!  

The Northern Lights have been out; we've seen pictures but haven't had a chance to seen them yet.  I value sleep too much ;)  But it's only a matter of time.  It seems like the more rare occurrence here will be days we don't see them, especially moving into the darker months. When we get pictures you can bet that I'll be posting them <3

This is the last week of summer for the Littles.  The oddest part will be that Smarty isn't starting classes this year, for the first time in 14 years.  In a week he is officially old enough to vote!  When did this happen??

But the younger three are looking forward to meeting some people their age here, starting routines, and figuring out what our time here is going to look like.  I'm working on bi-weekly meal plans to keep things moving along, and keep things homey.  We all do what we can.