It is not fair!

“It’s not fair, though!”

Oof. When I hear those words, no fewer than 6 times before the first cup of coffee is finished, I know there are a lot of feelings in the house and some teaching needs to be done. Again.

Here’s a situation: 3 children sitting on a couch. The biggest at one end, book in hand, blanket over his lap. Middle cushion is occupied by the eldest girl, same blanket across her lap, 3 books in her lap ready to read more. The youngest on the other end, same blanket across her lap, a little closer to her sister, and another blanket folded over the arm of the sofa. Suddenly Girlie notices the other blanket, realizes it could be used for a pillow, and reaches across her sister to throw the blanket onto the floor while telling Monkey (not necessarily calmly) that sine she (Girlie) didn’t have a pillow then neither should Monkey. “Cuz it’s not fair.”

Full stop. Wait. Whoa. Monkey didn’t react (way out of character, she must still be partly asleep…) but this momma certainly did. This is something ongoing, something we talk about a lot.  No one gets to take something away from some one else just because not everyone has it. Just because one sibling has something another doesn’t it does not make it alright for a child to take it away. And despite protests of “But… but… but…” I hope the message wasn’t lost.

We don’t own a cat. Our neighbour has a cat. Can I take that pet away to make it “fair”? We don’t have a carpet cleaner. Friends down the road have a carpet cleaner. Am I able to take it away to make it “fair”? Does our lack of a cat affect the neighbour’s right to have a cat? Or a carpet cleaner? What about the trucks that line the street, when one is absent (for the present moment) from our home?

We have things. A roof over our heads, food in the fridge, clothes in the wash. There are many who do not have these things. Does that mean we need to get rid of our stuff in order to make it “fair” for those who have less? Or nothing?

What I hope to bring home to all these littles, not just Girlie who brought on this morning’s lecture, is a couple things. When you look at others and all you see is what they have that you don’t, you are going to be grumpy. When you look at yourself and all you see is what you have but others don’t, you’re going to be more than a little self absorbed and self righteous. When all your energy is spent looking at your ice cream bowl, deciding how unfair it is that the littler sister got a teensy bit more in her bowl and how is that fair because you are bigger and therefore deserve, if not at least the EXACT same amount, perhaps a smidgen more… Well, you’re going to have grumpy parents who are going to lecture a bit about grace, love, and how important it is to be happy you got any ice cream at all.

I am writing this as I am finishing that first cup of coffee still. Hubby left for work, I sat down with what was the bottom half of my first cup of coffee and that interaction happened within those first few minutes after he left. I’m used to that. I sometimes think about setting a timer from the time Hubby leaves, just to see exactly how quickly things get loud and angry. But, for as much as it frustrates me that these discussions happen again, and again, and again, I am glad that it isn’t only me having them. Hubby has his share with the littles too. And each time, I hope, a little more gets understood and maybe they will be able to grow up aware of the people around them, that they are blessed, and that they will find ways to share their blessing instead of hoarding them or feeling they need to supress others to maintain their state.

Tempus Fugit

As always, it's been pretty busy and I have a lot to catch up on. Next post after this will have pictures from Smarty's birthday, Girlie's birthday, and Hubby's home coming. As well as perhaps pictures from some summer fun.  Today is for reflection for me.

We now have a house full of people going to school. This morning there were 4 lunches made for taking to school, 4 backpacks packed, 4 classroom drop offs. It was a very quiet drive back home after the bell rang. I had no voice in the back asking about the day's plans, what we were going to do once we got home. I'll have no help making the muffins I will be putting together later today. I have no twirling to the music playing, or a chorus of singing along.

There will be no squabbles over nap time or who needs to listen to the rules of the game being played. There will likely be a lot of hugs and cuddles when everyone comes home at the end of the day as the processing of the day's events happens, likely some grumpiness as the transition takes a bit longer for some.

I haven't cried for a single first day of school drop off. And I can still say that I haven't cried while dropping off. However there may have been some dust in my eyes as I was going home, listening to the radio without the added commentary. And perhaps there was an eyelash that got caught in there when I opened the door to the house and started cleaning up, realizing that there wouldn't be a new mess to clean up again after lunch.

It is exciting that I now have child free time to devote to my own studies. And that juggling around a nap time every day doesn't have to happen (yes, I know how lucky we are that the youngest still sleeps most days).

But for now, I am indulging in a little funk. Grade 6! Smarty was excited/nervous starting this school year, planning out some of the extracurricular things  he is thinking he'll want to do. Sergeant is excited for being in the last grade in the school and starting archery in the spring. Girlie has decided already that she wants to join the choir and be an awesome help and guide for Monkey when she needs it.  Monkey was a little nervous this morning, saying she doesn't know all the math and that she isn't sure about this whole "writing" thing... But there was no fuss heading out the door. No tears or leg grabbing. There were quite a few hugs, lots of happy.

Transitions and moving ahead with this awesome family, and really excited to watch the learning and growing that will be happening. Watching our butterflies flutter and stretch :)